


Heart Beat

by pirateradio



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling, Drug Abuse, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of drugs, PTSD, Reader Insert, Russel Hobbs - Freeform, Self Insert, acid trip, confession of feelings, my first upload on this blog that isn’t porn LOL, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 05:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pirateradio/pseuds/pirateradio
Summary: Murdoc Niccals is falling for his best friend. And he has no clue how to deal with it.





	Heart Beat

**Author's Note:**

> Murdoc Niccals is falling for his best friend. And he has no clue how to deal with it.

      Murdoc stood patiently outside and tapped his foot, whistling while he waited for his.... how should he say it... friend to come out of the bathroom. He flicked his lighter absentmindedly to pass the time, and glanced back to the bathroom door and furrowed his eyebrows. They had been in there for quite some time, and Murdoc started to worry a bit. He tries to convince himself not to worry at all. Murdoc Niccals doesn’t just worry over anyone, although, they were pretty special.    
  
     “You like them, don’t you?”, Russel says, Murdoc replaying the memory in his head. “Murdoc’s got a crush.”   
  
     “I do _**not**_. And don’t say the word ‘crush’ as if we’re in primary school. Perhaps I’d shag em, ya know, but that’d be the end of that.”   
  
     Russel studied Murdoc’s face a bit before taking another donut out of the box that lay on the cluttered coffee table.    
  
     “You don’t have to pretend, man. I see the way you look at them when they aren’t looking back. And, you listen to what they have to say with barely interruptions. New record, Muds.”   
  
     Murdoc growled before stuffing another donut into his mouth and chewing aggressively.    
  
     “SowhatifIdo? Betterthananyuthkn-“ Murdoc swallows roughly before continuing his sentence. “Better than anything you have to say, mate. Utter bollocks.”   
  
     “Say all you want, man. I’ve known you long enough to tell when you’re acting a bit strange.”   
  
     The silence in the room hung still as Murdoc scowled at Russel and the clock ticked way too loud for Murdoc, obnoxiously loud. The green man reaches across the table to sip a bit on his now alcohol free beverage, otherwise known as “water.” Stupid, he thinks.    
  
     “Yeah, alright mate. That’s enough of that. I do fancy them” Murdoc mutters a bit underneath his breath, “quite a lot.”    
  
     Russel says nothing for a moment,but smiles a bit back at Murdoc. “Good for you, man. Cause I think they like you too~.”   
  
     Murdoc’s gaze snaps up at the bigger man with eagerness and shock. “What did they say? You know something, don’t you? Go on, spit it out.”   
  
     “Nah, man, I don’t reveal secrets. Confidentiality. My lips are sealed.”   
  
     Murdoc’s fist clenched and grits his sharp teeth. “Russ, if you don’t tell me right this second-“   
  
     “Cut that shit out. I thought you said we wouldn’t be talkin’ about stuff like primary school students. Be a man, find out for yourself.” Russel stands up and heads off before picking up some of the discarded magazines on the floor. “This place is a goddamn mess.”   
  
     Cutting back to reality, Murdoc shakes his head vigorously to get rid of the lovey dovey thoughts that plagued his mind, like the way their lips curled into a smile, or the times they’d taken care of him when he was too drunk to function or having a terrible acid trip.    
  
     He cringes at the memory of the night he knocked loudly on their door, harsh breaths drawing in and out of him, and the frantic panic on his face. Shortly after, they opened the door, hair a mess while rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.    
  
     “Murdoc..? What are you doing here, it’s three in the morning, old man.”   
  
     Murdoc let out a choked sob, leaning himself against the door way with his fist as support, while hot tears streamed down his face and his body shook.    
  
     Their face shown wide in concern before holding his shoulder and rubbing it softly.    
  
     “ _Hey_ , _what’s_ _wrong_ , _Muds_ ”, they cooed softly, wiping a tear off of his strong jaw. Murdoc can’t forget the look on their face with wide eyes filled with genuine care. He sobbed again, trembling, barely able to get out a shaky response.    
  
     “P-p-p- Plastic Beach. El mañana. Nood-“ Murdoc was cut off when he felt two arms wrapped around him and their face on his neck. He blinked a few times out of surprise, then went back to shaking.    
  
     “It’s okay, Muds, I get it, it’s okay, you’ll be okay,” they whispered in a soft voice, removing their head from his shoulder to look him in the eye and wipe more tears from his face. Murdoc’s mind ran in circles, thinking of the day the Boogieman attacked and cornered him, seeing Noodle alive and with a thoroughly damaged eye in big Russel’s mouth. And 2D, the poor 2D he had tortured, locked in that room below sea.    
  
     “I-I, Oh god, Christ, I ruined everything, all my fault, all my fault, all my fault, how do you even look me in the face knowing what I’ve done, I’m a monster. A fucking monster, that’s what I am-“   
  
     “Murdoc. I look you in the eyes because despite everything, I care about you so much. You’re not a monster, far from it, you have feelings, emotions, you’re so kind to me and all of your fans; I know it’s bad right now, but it will pass. I can assure you, it will pass. I could name off a list of things I like about you off my head in an instant, I like you, and if I didn’t believe that you weren’t worth my time, I wouldn’t even be holding you right now.”   
  
     Murdoc’s breaths labored slowly, as he attempted to say something, anything, but all he could do is let out a whine of despair.    
  
     “Breathe in through your nose, out with your mouth, okay? Can you do that for me?” They spoke in a quiet voice with care flooding through it.    
  
     Murdoc nodded his head, not daring to meet their strong eyes, and stepped wobbly into the apartment. He observed the tiny living area and the kitchen with a few dishes in the sink, but overall, it was certainly more clean than the Spirit House.    
  
     He hasn’t even noticed they had left the room until they came back with a large blanket and a gentle smile.    
  
     “You can stay on the couch tonight, if you’d like. Actually, I’m not giving you a choice. C’mere, I’ll wrap you in it.    
  
     Murdoc, too weak to comply with the PTSD of the events of Plastic Beach, collapsed onto the couch and tried to follow the tip you had gave him. Breathe in through your nose, out from your mouth. The gun shots echoed in his mind with rage, and the feeling of the Boogieman’s hand around Murdoc’s throat was enough to set him off into a wild panic attack again. 

 

_      “You’ll never change, you know. You’re doomed. I know you like the back of my palm, Niccals. You promised me an innocent soul. It’s finally time for me to take your shit stained one instead,” _ The Boogieman’s crooked voice rang through Murdoc’s ears like church bells, church bells which he despised, the _ ding dong ding dong  _ mocking him, the Boogieman mocking him every step of the way to remind him of the way Murdoc had somehow managed to build himself to the top and take everyone down with him. The sirens rang out and it was only the machine he had built,  _ a fucking machine _ , in replacement of his little girl, except his little girl had bullets loaded in her mouth and spoke no words. She was always in agreement with him. Not the defiant spiky-haired Noodle he was used to, who’d put up a fight, who was passionate and brighter than a lightbulb, eyes with fire in them, but instead he had created a shell of the young girl she used to be. 

 

     “ _ Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-”  _ Murdoc stopped again when his friend sat beside him in the couch and pulled him closer to them, so he rest on their chest, feeling their own steady breathing help him to control his own. He felt their fingers scratch his scalp gently, and quiet hums of Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights to calm him down. Murdoc remembered the days of when he would go to a young girl’s house, couldn’t think of her name, but this exact song would spin quickly on her turntable, and Murdoc would run away to wherever he could to hear the record. “Nnnnghhhh,” Murdoc groaned, shaking his head a bit into their shoulder. In return, their grip around his waist strengthened. 

 

_      “ I know it’s one of your favorites,” _ they murmured softly.

“How? How on Earth? I- I never told you.”

 

     “I....  was too embarrassed to ask you personally so I listened to that radio show thing you did about the songs you loved the most. I really like this one too..”, they replied even more quietly than the first time.

 

     Murdoc chuckled like when he was a child who had seen his brother fell off his new motorcycle, a shit one he had gotten from a fallen apart warehouse for 20 pounds. A genuine happy giggle, that someone had been embarrassed to ask him something as simple as that. It was a bit…. Adorable, even. 

 

     “Whaddya mean it was embarrassing? I could go on and on sharin songs, you know. You can show me some of yours too, but if you listen to Ed Sheeran or Muse, I’m afraid I’m going to have to block your number forever and erase you out of my memory.”

 

     That made them toss back their head and laugh for a second or two, and in that short period of time, Murdoc grinned like a fool and gazed up at his friend. He made an important note in his brain to keep the laugh recorded, so he could listen to it whenever he wanted. They sighed deeply, rolling their eyes at him before giggling, “Sorry, Muds. I think you’re going to still have my number in your phone.”

 

     “Mmms’alright. I wouldn’t mind that. Better company than my Madonna cassette. Only barely, though.”

 

     Murdoc knew they were smiling contently from the warmness he felt gazing at him, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Murdoc felt peaceful enough to rest. If he was lucky, maybe a full eight hours. 

 

     “Let’s sleep, okay? Goodnight, Murdoc. I hope you know I care about you, you bastard, more than anyone else,” they cooed lovingly. In that moment, Murdoc would have left scared and afraid of what they had said to him, but he was too exhausted to care, and in that moment, it was just what he needed to put Murdoc Niccals’ brain with too many thoughts in there to sleep. 

 

~~~

 

_      Fuck, they’ve been in there so long, I might have to go take a piss now,”  _ Murdoc thought, scratching himself through his jeans. Examining the gender neutral bathroom from his spot beside it, he sighs heavily, tucking the lighter back into his pocket and thumps at the door. Not to hard, but just hard enough for the hint to drop for them to hurry it up. 

 

     “Oi, I might need to piss now. You alright in there?”, He chirps absentmindedly, although slight concern manages to slip through.  _ Shit. Can’t let my guard down.  _

 

     When Murdoc hears no response from the other side, he swallows nervously before knocking lighter than before. Leaning his ear against the door way, he listens as much as his damaged ears can hear. When he hears hushed sobs come from inside, his fist naturally clenches and he bites his lip.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the fuck am I supposed to do, balls it up like usual, lay on my usual charm-they’ll see through the fakeness of it- _

 

     Murdoc’s thoughts are cut off by one particular loud cry he could clearly tell they were trying to restrain. No one knows struggling not to cry like Murdoc Faust Niccals. This time, he knocks tenderly, making his voice as low and sweet sounding as possible, as if he were comforting 2D after a nightmare. 

 

     “ _ Hey, love…. you alright _ ?” He questions quietly, soothing himself from the anxiety of making an already sad person even sad by using the advice they had gave him. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. 

 

     There was no response and Murdoc’s voice began to croak out another question before he’s interrupted by the tiny voice belonging to them on the other side of the door. 

 

“ _ No….” _

 

     Murdoc felt his heart strings pull when he heard the misery in your voice. Usually when someone was crying to him, it was a ridiculously drunk girl he was trying to pick up at a bar who had just broken up with her boyfriend. He would leave swiftly after because although easy is nice, Hell, he’s not having a one night stand with a sobbing mess who can barely function.

 

But this was different.

 

This was  _ you. _

 

_ “ _ I’m comin’ in-“

 

     “No! …. I don’t want-“ the sniffles cut off their speech. “ _ I don’t want you to see me like this…” _

 

     “Listen, darling. You’ve seen me in way worse conditions than I bet the one you are in right now.”

     He chuckles before beginning again, “Do you remember when I called you on speaker because I got my g-string of my thong stuck to the ceiling fan?”

 

     He can hear faint giggling and then a sniffle. 

 

     “Yeah.” There’s laughter in their voice. Murdoc feels himself relax a bit.

 

     “What the  _ hell  _ were you doing anyway? I still never found out.”

 

     “That’s for me to know and for you never to know, mate,” he teases back.

 

     There’s a pause of silence when the laughter dies down.

 

     “.... So can I come in?”

 

     The  _ click _ sound of the door let’s him know it’s unlocked and safe to enter.

 

     When Murdoc walks in there’s a pile of tissues all over their lap, covered in dampness from their tears. They’ve stopped crying but their bottom lip quivers, their bloodshot eyes look down in shame, not daring to meet Murdoc’s intense mismatching eyes. Their hands are still shaky as they dab away the remaining salty tears coming out of their eyes. 

 

     Murdoc sits down and scoots in front of them, and he can hear his knees crack severely as they always do when he gets this low to the ground. For the first time, they don’t playfully make fun of him for it, and Murdoc frowns. 

 

     “Okay! Let’s pretend I’m your therapist. Unload all your problems on ol’ Uncle Murdy.” Murdoc’s toothy grin spreads across his face as they begin to lift their head to make eye contact with him.

 

    “Are you sure there aren’t any other therapists available, Dr. Niccals?” They sarcastically joke raising an eyebrow.

 

    “Hmmm. Seems that the patient still has a sense of humor, good, very good…” Murdoc mutters, scribbling down on an imaginary notepad. 

 

     Their growing smile and little giggles encourages him to keep going. 

 

     “Ohhhh, damn. Looks like I’ve accidentally drawn a cock on the paper instead of getting down your status!” He overdramatically lifts the nonexistent notepad into the air for them to see. 

 

     They smirk and roll their eyes. “Seems like you’ve also forgotten an actual notepad, Doc.”

 

     Murdoc continues putting on his performance and blinks excessively, letting his mouth hang open in mock shock as he looks around him for a notepad. 

 

    “Why, aren’t you mighty observant! When I get a new notepad I’ll have to write that down too.”

 

     Their giggling increases as they wipe their face up and down with their hands. Murdoc takes into account that their hands have stopped shaking. Not bad for a first time therapist with absolutely no training whatsoever.

 

     “You sure you’re cut out for this job? Hmmm, have you ever thought about being a bass player? I think you’d be really good at it.”

 

     Murdoc was the one supposed to be making them feel better, but now they were just making him feel great by complimenting his skills. Damn it, how are they so good at that? 

 

     “I’ve tried, but they say I’m too…  _ obscene  _ for the public.” 

 

     Their smile rises up but softly goes back down again.

 

     “But seriously…. what’s wrong?” He questions softly, leaning his cheek against the palm of his hand.

 

     “I don’t wanna worry you-“

 

     “Bollocks. If I’m worried it means I care. Which I do. Which means, yes, I am concerned. I want to help if I can. I’d be grateful if you could tell me what’s wrong. That is, if you feel comfortable doing so.”

 

     A faint blush spreads across their cheeks and Murdoc’s heart flutters. Wait,  _ blush? _

 

     “... You care about me?” They murmer it so quietly Murdoc can barely hear the words fall out of them. 

 

     Murdoc grips his pant leg, before saying just as quietly, “Yes. I care about you.”

 

     Tears fill their eyes as they wipe a strand piece of hair out of their face. In that moment, Murdoc would think they look beautiful, but panic rises when he sees you return to crying gently. 

 

     “Wh- what’s the matter? Huh?” Murdoc’s voice rose an octave as he moves closer again to them, reaching out to swipe a tear away with his thumb, but hesitates and grabs a tissue for them instead.

 

     “I… just feel lonely and…. it feels good to hear you say that. This year has really kicked my ass and-“ another sniffle admits from them. “And you’re one of the few things that have made it good. Despite you being in prison. That really sucked, asshole. Making me think you died in shit. You suck.”

 

     They scooter closer to him and buried their face into his chest on the cold bathroom floor where they sat. Their arms squeezed as they nuzzled him with hurriedly before eventually staying still. Murdoc knew he was more tense than the day he had saw Noodle in the mountains of Patagonia, but reciprocated the hug and sighed deeply. For the first time in awhile, not an annoyed sigh when someone hugged him.

 

     “Yourheartisbeatingfast.” They muffled into his sweater. 

 

     “... What was that”

 

     They removed their head from his sweater to smile sweetly at him, their eyes wide. 

 

      “Sorry… I said, your heart is beating fast.”

 

     Murdoc scoffs. “Is  _ not. _ ”

 

     “Is too!”

 

     They bury their head again in his chest, this time their ear closer to it. Murdoc grumbles with displeasure from getting flustered over something so  _ simple,  _ he’s been handcuffed while a dinosaur sized vibrator was up his ass, and he’s flustered over  _ this _ ? 

 

     “Fuckin’ stop that. Do you randomly go around listening to people’s heart beats for fun or is there something you’re not telling me about you being a doctor?”

 

      They lift their head up and remove themselves quickly, scooting back a bit. 

 

     “Sorry that… I’m really sorry, I overstepped my boundaries-“

 

     “No.” The words leave Murdoc’s lips softly as he pulls them closer to him again by their wrist, until their faces are near inches apart. 

 

     “I’m confused.” They whisper quietly, trying as hard as they can to avoid his eyes, looking down at their own lap.

 

     “Look at me,” Murdoc coos, lifting their chin up so they can look him in the eyes again. The eyes that are big, like windows, but so understanding and kind. The eyes he loves so much. 

 

     “You’re spectacular. So spectacular.” Murdoc gently applies his lips to theirs, closing the small space between them. They melt easily into his touch and grasp his hair with their hands, kissing back sweetly.

 

     A few seconds go by of slow sweet kissing before they pull away, still clutching his hair, before a small smile that turns into a full out grin on their pretty little face. 

 

     “I know.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Jesus CHRIST this took forever to write due to my schedule but I’m really glad I got it finished. If you wanna contact me I’m over at murdocs-imagines on tumblr and I’ll keep up more with requests hopefully now. Also sorry if the ending was a bit awkward, I wasn’t quite sure how to end this and.... it’s three in the morning. Bye! <3


End file.
